The classic oval design of our Hawthorne Address Plaques makes it ideal for most any home's exterior. Available in a variety of finish colors to accommodate your outdoor color scheme.
"Line 1: 17 - 1.75 in characters Line 2: 5 - 4.5 in characters Line 3: 17 - 1.75 in characters"
Dimensions: 19X14X0.375
Two week lead time.
Check for accuracy; personalized or custom plaques cannot be modified, cancelled, or returned after being placed.
We asked the local back alley raccoon to write this description for you.
Hey there, fellow trash connoisseurs! It's your boy, Rocky the Raccoon, here to dish the dirt on the latest human contraption I've spotted in our 'hood - the Hawthorne Oval - Estate Lawn - Three Line address plaque. Buckle up, 'cause this thing's fancier than that glittery garbage can I found last week!
The Shape of Things to Eat... I Mean, Come
So, get this - it's oval! Like, the shape of the tastiest eggs I've never stolen from a bird's nest. They say it's "ideal for most any home's exterior," but between you and me, I think it'd look better on a dumpster.
Colors That Pop (Like Trash Can Lids)
Apparently, it comes in different colors to match the humans' "outdoor color scheme." Pfft! As if anything could match the beautiful kaleidoscope of a freshly tipped-over garbage can.
Three Levels of Num-Num-Numbers
Now, this is where it gets wild. It's got three lines! The top and bottom can fit 17 characters, each 1.75 inches tall - that's about the size of a premium banana peel, for reference. The middle line? Five big ol' 4.5-inch characters. That's like... jumbo pizza crust size!
Size Matters (For Climbing)
This bad boy is 19 inches wide, 14 inches tall, and 0.375 inches deep. In raccoon terms, that's about three tail-lengths wide, two tail-lengths tall, and thin enough that I probably couldn't use it as a dinner plate. Bummer.
The Waiting Game (Like Waiting for Garbage Night)
Humans have to wait two whole weeks for this thing! Can you imagine? That's like... 14 garbage nights! The patience of these creatures astounds me.
No Take-Backsies
Here's the kicker - once they order it, there's no changing their mind. It's like when I grab that shiny wrapper thinking it's full of goodies, only to find it's empty. No returns, no exchanges. Tough luck, humans!
Listen, I may not be able to read what these plaques say, but I know one thing - they make excellent landmarks for us trash pandas. "Third house past the shiny oval thing" is way easier to remember than "1234 Acorn Street."
So, here's to you, Hawthorne Oval - Estate Lawn - Three Line. May you guide many a raccoon to bountiful garbage feasts for years to come!
This is Rocky, signing off. Remember, stay trashy, my friends!
